#412 Wisdom Teeth

Before-
     Over the past two years I've neglected the cyclical toothaches and words of warning from the dentist. Sort of like how George Costanza had convinced himself that refusing to see the doctor was synonymous with avoiding getting sick, I've done the same with my teeth. Even this past November, when I was hit with a brutal infection on the right side of my jaw (which is apparently pretty common with neglected wisdom teeth), I chose to eat a square meal of ibuprofen instead of seeking actual medical help.

High spirits

     But I can't avoid this forever. The orthodontist made sure to drive that point home during my consultation with him. He put on a disposable glove, stuck a finger in my still talking mouth, and felt around for a suspiciously short time before listing off all the terrible things that would surely happen if I didn't get all four teeth removed as soon as possible. Nerve damage, loss of other teeth, social ostracization. Pretty grim stuff.

I don't remember taking this

     So it's the morning of my procedure and I'd would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I hate these sort of things, especially the part of going under. That's probably the most jarring aspect. I haven't been able to eat or drink since last night. It doesn't help that I tend to overthink pretty much everything, and my imagination (like everyone else's) doesn't do any favors for my anxiety. So wish me luck I guess.

After-
     It's about eleven hours later and I made it through the procedure more or less. A part of me thinks that some of my mental bandwidth will be forever lost in the gaseous ether they pumped me full to know me out. After watching my drooling myself on video, I can certainly see why they require a designated driver for all surgeries. It wasn't fun, but it also wasn't the "big deal" my imagination had cooked it up to be either. I spent much of the afternoon spilling soup on my chin, sort of sleeping, and remembering faint whiffs of stupid things I had said while coming out of the procedure. Instead of me trying to write about an experience I was only present for in the most generous of terms, I'll just leave this video of the aftermath here for you to laugh at.