Anyways, the reason I'm making an appearance at all is to talk about a newfound obsession in my life. See recently, it's come to my attention that I am an anxious person. This news may feel underwhelming to someone with the benefit of not being me, but let me tell you, this discovery has kind of shaken me up.
News of my anxiety came as such a shock to me because had always thought of myself as an adventurous guy. Hell, I'm the guy who started this very blog to document the adventures I was having. Even after my attempts to stroke my own ego, I began to feel the rumblings of something very unsettling.
The first year of noticalbe anxiety was a lot like a connect-the-dots picture. Anxious episodes were like dots scattered throughout my weeks and months, often small and seemingly insignificant. Sometimes I would feel cloudy, other times I would be preoccupied with an ineffably sour feeling. But most often it would simply be too difficult to muster up the motivation to get up and do something. It was only once I took a step back that I could see how the dots connected to form a web of anxiety closing in on me.
Things got really bad at one point in time. I felt trapped in the most peculiar situations. I would lose actual sleep dreading the thought of having to drive a car, or go shopping, or even ride in an elevator. I found myself crumbling under the anxiety at times too. I rerouted my commute to avoid even sparse traffic, I would forgo groceries in order to avoid sweaty hands, and I'd spend my weekends laying around watching TV so I wouldn't have to leave my apartment. Aside from work and the occasional skate session, I felt housebound.
I assume if you know me, even a little bit, then you wouldn't peg me as an anxious person. Even while I was busy rerouting commutes, I was convincing myself that I was the same adventurous guy as before. In fact, I hear that most anxious people go virtually unnoticed.
In the past three years or so that anxiety has noticably affected my life, I've made some progress that I'm proud of. Here are three things that I think are worth a quick shoutout if you're feeling anxious:
1) Meditation and Mindfulness-
Meditation has been a staple of my day for over two years now. It's helped me accept and even appreciate some less flattering aspects of myself. Most importantly, I think meditating has helped me reestablish my relationship with anxiety. Anxious thoughts are still present, but I don't always respond like I once did. But sometimes I still do, old habits die hard.
2) Journaling-
Frustrated? Write about it.
Happy? Write about it.
Whatever you're feeling, write about it. A journal is a nice reminder that what you're going through will not last forever. Good or bad, it will pass.
3) Some really good books-
I've become infatuated with the subject of positive psychology and mindfulness. Here's some ones I've enjoyed:
Dare Barry by Mcdonagh
Waking Up by Sam Harris
Advice Not Given by Mark Epstein
The Headspace Guide to Meditation by Andy Puddicombe
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert
When by Daniel H. Pink (great for habit formation)
10% Happier and Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics (by Dan Harris and Jeff Warren)
The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh
I don't know if anything you read here will be of any value to you. I figure that it can hurt. We spend so much time pretending to be perfect versions of ourselves that our actual selfs may feel neglected. My hope is that I can make an effort to be more of myself and not just the parts I'm proud of.
