Day 364: Learn How To Shuffle Cards

Gnar card

     I had no idea how bad at shuffling cards I was until I found myself in a heated card game with my family. How can you expect to have any card-carrying-confidence when you're constantly fumbling when you shuffle? I decided to take on the task of learning the ways of the shuffle, which proved to be easier said than done. I must have spent forty minutes trying to scramble the deck like a pro. My grandpa gave me a thorough lesson, but it wasn't much help. My shuffle had improved slightly, but it was still suffering. I'd get lucky every so often and have an impressive shuffle, and then completely embarrass myself on the next go. My technique seems so mechanical compared to my grandpa's seasoned approach, but don't worry, I got myself a deck of cards for this very occasion. I'm gonna master the art of card scrambling.

Day 363: Investigate A Conspiracy

     I don't suppose that many of you have heard of a man by the name of William Tapley. He's some old kook that claims that he has unraveled the secret of the conspiracy that has plagued the Denver International Airport (DIA) in recent years. He says that phallic images are hidden throughout the airport and that they are sure fire signs of the end times. He believes that our leaders are trying to get on Satan's good side by covering the airport with suggestive symbols. You'd have to be hopped up on goofballs to believe any of this garbage. The amount of crazy that this guy was spewing out of his face-hole was insane, but Mouse and I decided to go with it anyway. We wanted to snoop around the airport and see if we could find proof of the Satan-worshiping-wiener-dissemblers (never thought I'd say that).

     We were greeted by Mr. Tapley's most convincing evidence of a satanic conspiracy at the entrance of the airport, the giant blue devil horse. At 32 feet tall, and 9,000-pounds, this hellish fiberglass statue is one of the freakiest works known to man. It's seriously evil. His burning red eyes and hellish demeanor just freak me out. Not to mention, the artist of the Hell-horse was crushed and killed by a chunk of the cursed art while he was working on it. Everything about this thing screams Satan! So we carried on...

If you squint reeeeeeeally hard...

     Once we got inside, we began scouring the grounds for anything phallic. We looked at some rather disturbing paintings and support beams, but we really had to let our imaginations run wild to find anything that even remotely looked like something phallic. Personally, I just think that this William Tapley guy has his mind in the gutter. We tried, we really did. We spent a good hour in that airport looking for suggestive shapes, but I guess our gay-day just isn't as precise as Mr. Tapley's. Here's what some of the pieces of art that we dug up, see if you can find something phallic or Satanic.

Odd stuff

Need I say more?

Day 362: Drive Down The "Wildest Street In America"

     According to Mouse; Colfax Avenue is the longest straight road in America. And according to the Playboy Magazine quote from Colfax's Wikipedia page; Colfax is "the longest, wickedest street in America." Apparently there was a whole other side to Colfax, one I'd yet to see. So Mouse and I decided to experience the entirety of the "wickedest" street in America. We would cruise down the 26.1 mile long street and see just what all the fuss was about. We started at the West end (Heritage Rd) and ended our trek at the East end (Gun Club Rd). It was a solid hour or so of cruising the street, and it was actually funner than I thought it would be. We stocked up on potato chips and acted like tourists in a city we've always known as we saw the sights of Denver. We saw the glorious Casa Bonita, and we passed the Occupy Denver protesters at Civic Center. It wasn't the "wickedest" time of my life, but it was still pretty fun. Here's a short time lapse of the journey.

Day 361: Graffiti

Mug shot

     Ok, before you start freaking out about how I lost my morals and whatnot, I should let you know that my graffiti experience was totally legal. See, there's this wall in Boulder, that has been designated as the town's tagging wall. Graffiti artists (and Mouse and I) can go there and doodle to their hearts content, and not get in trouble. We got to the wall right as the sun was going down, which was good cause it made the experience that more authentic. I tried my best to find an area on the wall that wasn't already claimed by somebody's illegible work, and started working on my masterpiece. I was going for an abstract "medeyum" down the side of the wall to advertise the blog (welcome new readers!). Sadly, it became obvious almost instantly that my art was going to turn out like poop. I could try to blame it on the cheap spray paint or the lack of inspiration, but the truth is, I just suck at graffiting. I have no experience with tagging, and I don't even have an interest in it. Here is my one stab at it, and I don't see myself doing it anytime soon. For now, I'll just stick to doodling on paper.

Day 360: Juggle Fire!

     If you've been following this shit-show of a project for a while, you may remember a previous challenge I did called mildly high risk juggling. It was back in the early days of the project and I have since then decided to up the stakes a little bit and try some very high risk juggling. That's right, we're talking about playing with fire. It's a testament to both my stupidity, and my dedication to the project. There's no way that I'd ever try this if it weren't for this little experience experiment. It constantly reminds me that "Just because it's a terrible idea, doesn't mean you shouldn't try it" and I'm thankful for those idiotic stunts I've forced myself to do this year. It's one of my first life lessons and it's exactly what this project needed.

     Mouse and I cut three strips of cloth from a cotton T-shirt I had and tied them up in little balls. Then we soaked each one in butane and lit them and they became terrifying fireballs. The hardest part was gathering the courage (stupidity) to reach out and grab the flaming cloth ball. My brain kept telling my hand to reach for it, but my arm would only extend halfway before I'd pull away in fear (common sense). Mouse was the first one to successfully touch the fireball, and moments later, he holding it in his hand like it was nothing. It was all downhill from there, we found ourselves drunk with adrenaline as we tossed fire around. It was so manly, I felt like I was in an Old Spice commercial or something. It was insanely fun/scary/stupid and we both walked away without a scratch/burn. Check out the pictures and don't try this at home!

Day 359: Roadkill

     I feel so bad about this one. I was just driving around, minding my own business. When outta nowhere, the cutest little bunny jumps into the middle of the road. He had no idea what hit him. Unfortunately, I did. It was a 96 Subaru Outback. It was two tons of metal vs. one unlucky bunny. I don't want to go into much detail because I have respect for the deceased, but I will say that I'm not proud of myself. Poor little bunny =(.

Day 358: Try Mediterranean Food

     I bought a Mediterranean lunchable at the Natural Grocers because it looked both curious and delicious. It had falafel balls, hummus, tabbouli, and pita bread in it, all of which looked tasty annnnddd it was totally new to me. Mouse assured me that hummus was the greatest thing since sliced bread as he picked out his to-go Mediterranean dinner. Mouse wasted no time digging into the exotic dish, while I tested the waters of some pita bread and hummus. A couple timid bites later, I had sampled a little bit of everything. I found it all to be decent tasting, but really dry. There wasn't much flavor to any one entree, it was just a blur of dryness. By then, Mouse had polished of his dinner, and I had yet to even make a dent in mine. It just wasn't my cup of tea I guess.