Its the return of the food challenges. Hot wings are a favorite among competitive eaters and I thought that it was as good a time as any for me to test the waters of uber-spicy finger food. I figured that spicy food was the way to go on such a cold, snowy day. Today was bitter and cold, a dark contrast from yesterday's picture perfect, 80 degree-skating-in-just-shorts-cause-its-sooooooo-summer-like-outside weather. I got sunburned yesterday, and I wore a thermal, two hoodies and a jacket today. I'm not exaggerating, there is no stretching of the truth of hyperbole usage here. This is Colorado, and the weather is consistently this inconsistent. So anyways, I was at work and it was real slow cause nobody wants to buy ice cream when nature is generously throwing water flavored ice cream down from the heavens for free. Kevin and I bought the 10 piece combo deal from this place called Wingstop. I got 10 wings (5 Hawaiian, 5 atomic), some fries, a drink, and some free veggie sticks cause they screwed up my order twice. The Hawaiian ones were good, very tangy, the atomic ones... weren't so good. See that was the challenge, eat the hottest wings I could find. We called Wingstop and they told us that the atomics were what I was looking for. I'm not that into spicy food, I like a little heat, but I'm not yearnin' for a burnin'. It wasn't till after my 2nd atomic that I realized how much I wasn't into spicy food. I was sweating profusely and the top of my skull was super itchy. I alternated between wing flavors to rest my scorched tongue. I relied on the reservoir of iced tea and complementary veggie sticks to keep me from throwing in the towel. Things weren't looking good, my face was red and sweaty, my nose was running, and my hands were covered in hot sauce. I was a mess. Even though I wasn't looking too good, I did it. I finished the atomic wing challenge, and I had two celery sticks to spare (the iced tea wasn't so lucky). I stood in the walk-in freezer for a hot second to cool down and chugged a glass of water. I thought that the worst was behind me, I thought that I had came out on top, I was wrong. I cleaned up and prepared to get back to work. I threw my trash away and wiped my hands off. I went to the bathroom to take a leak, washed my hands and returned to work. It was when I was in the middle of making a guest's banana split that I realized a burning sensation coming from my... ummm,... penis. Yeah, sigh...yup. You may laugh now but trust me, it sucks tending to a crowd of hungry fat people with a fiery crotch. The burning feeling intensified as I served more customers. It kept sucking more and more. It wasn't a huge wave of customers, just a rush of indecisive ones. So I stood there, handing out samples and scooping flavors as a fire seemed to rage in my pants. Soon, but not soon enough, the crowd ordered and payed and was gone. I was free to... you know, remedy the situation. Lets just say that I put out the fire and things got better. I texted Mouse about the situation (cause of coarse its relevant to his life) and he said that its called a "hot rod" (which I find both hilarious and very fitting. He said that it happened to him after eating jalapeños and he said that he felt my pain. I had no idea that hot rods were even a thing. I knew that they were hot, but not in the sense that they burn you. So, besides the below-the-belt-inferno, I think that I came out of that challenge a victor. Aw yea!
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