Day 206: Non-Alcoholic Beer

     I think of non-alcoholic beer in the same sense that I think of things like vegan bologna and scripted reality TV, they just don't make sense. It just seems a little pointless to me, that's all. I had never had a non-alcoholic beverage -well I guess I should rephrase that. I  have had non-alcoholic beverages like milk and water and soda, and stuff, but I have never had a non-alcoholic drink that was pretending to be alcoholic (get it?). So that's  why I found myself awkwardly standing in front of Walmart's beer section as I performed a Google search of "O'douls" to try and get the scoop on these near beers. I found that there is, in fact, alcohol in a bottle O'douls, but there isn't enough to really make a difference. My studies told me that there is ten times more alcohol per volume in an average beer than there is in a bottle of near beer and that you would "Die from a bursted stomach long before you ever got a buzz." if your actually tried to get drunk off of them. It said that you would have to down roughly 50 O'douls to feel drunk. I kept reading to try and find out if it was legal for a minor to buy said beverage in Colorado but I couldn't find much of anything. So I decided to wing-it and go try and buy the drinks anyways. The cashier didn't seem to care either way (and that's why I go to Walmart) when I tried to explain the situation. I took the 6 pack over to Mouse's and we cracked one open while watching a movie about a ninja that becomes an all-star basketball player (Its totally real: Kung Fu Dunk). It became way too clear why I had never hear of O'douls before, its cause they suck. There really wasn't much to say that would make the poor O'douls feel good about themselves. They were gross and overpriced and I felt like a total tool caring them around in Walmart. On the other hand, I learned to continue to stay away from O'douls.

Here is where my beer-search led me: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080422195207AA72K5I