Day 307: Eat Fruitcake

     In the words of the great Jim Gaffigan, "Fruit = good, cake = great, fruitcake = nasty crap". Unfortunately, I had to find out this fact the hard way. I've always figured that fruitcake was terrible, and that I should do my best to stay away from it at all costs, but as the holiday season approaches, I new it was time for me to try a taste. I picked up a brick of fruit cake at the bakery section and felt like everyone had their eyes on me while I carried it to the checkout stand. It was like they knew that I was about to make a horrible mistake and they wanted to interfere, but they just couldn't (kind of like how you can't take your eyes off an impending car crash). I wasn't siked about what I was about to buy, but I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I had tried to purchase fruitcake earlier in the year, before it was in stock. Anyways, I bought that thick brick of mystery mush and took it home to eat. My dad was still up so I pressured him into sampling the treat with me. I sliced into the suspicious cake and served up two modest sized slices for the two of us, but those tiny slices seemed a lot larger once I took my first taste. All of my previous assumptions were totally correct. This stuff sucked. I didn't even know what I was tasting, but it resembled what a combination of soggy-brown-sugar-saturated-bread, dried fruits of all kinds (maybe a tomato or toe nail or somthin) and one of those car air fresheners that are shaped like a tree. It was god awful. I couldn't even summon the courage (stupidity) to finish my slice. My father made a one bite dent in his share and called it quits as well. It was obvious that the fruitcake had to go. For dramatic effect, I took the thing (I refuse to call that thing cake) out to the driveway of the house and thew it as far as I could. Welp, never gonna try that crap again.

They claim that this is edible